Im so Naive


My only problem with guns is that they make it far too easy for stupid people to kill me.”

and I tell ya that exorcist gal who piddled on the carpet caused less of a ruckus then I did with what I thought was a pretty mild statement. I wasn’t even hinting at taking guns away from stupid people. With that one fairly mild statement a seemingly reasonable rational woman is transformed into a screaming ( I hope she doesn’t chuck the meatloaf at me ) nut job.

I am now the enemy. The socialist comunist take your guns away big brother loves you hippy freak.

(Ohh god lord I do have a talent for saying precisely the wrong thing. If only I could learn to use this power for good.)

Because some one is now screaming at you, you feel the spines start to come out the eyes are going cat feral, the teeth are growing sharp behind a polite smile. You want to snap her heels together like a drill Sargent to a fresh boot.

Check it,

You have a ‘support our troops’ bumper sticker on your car.

I served in the army

you ‘wanted’ to join the army but couldn’t lose enough weight to even qualify for boot camp.

Your husband of 5 years, is a nice fellow but, he is grand negas of the local masons secret hide out

My (ex now but 15 years married to ) was Army EOD that is bomb squad for you civilians,

I have owned guns, shot guns. I once got tossed out of Canada for trying to drive through a bit of Canada with my gun locked and un loaded in the trunk of my car. The Canadians were very polite but quite firm. And told me to just go away and not try and slip back across the border again, any time soon. But say like maybe in the spring you can come back eh? I was very embarrassed.

I don’t say any of that. She is a nice lady,,usually. I keep my snark in check. I try, very nicely, (I’m not yelling unlike some people) to explain.

She calls me naive

my head explodes. It’s not a big sound, just a small little pop.

Naive? Naive?

This from a woman who once got a butterfly tattooed on her shoulder and to this day thinks, that was daring.

As a retired whore there are a number of names I rather expected to be called….naive was not one I had ever considered. Ok sure I look like a perfectly normal person. It’ not like I have retired whore tattooed on my forehead. Not even sporting a red Letter A on my clothes. (though I have considered it but decided it would come off more Laverne and Shirley then as a political statement against puritanism. )

But.. seriously how many dicks do you have to suck before that shiny penny nimbus erodes? And what ever that number is, I’m pretty gol dern danged sure I done past it waay back a when.

And she is still yelling at me.

‘If you had EVER, any experience with crime and or bad guys, you’d change your mind then. “ I retire to the living room pouring myself an extra large drink on the way.

why ohh why is it always me who has to be polite to people who yell stupid shit at me? I’m the crazy person. I have fucking papers saying I’m the crazy person. I’m the paranoid wack job here. If anyone’s going to be yelling about crime guns and conspiracies I feel it should be me.

But it isn’t,

it never is.


One response »

  1. You’re not naive or a nut-job but discussions on guns anywhere near an American is a non-rational place to be.

    My view on guns in America? You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, you have to design a better toothpaste tube.

    I’m from Britain – as gun free a place as anywhere on the planet. I hope it stays that way.

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