There is a wonderful freedom that comes with being a mad person. It’s like getting a permanent free hall pass in school. ( I had one by the way, that’s what they give you when you skip class to go to the library. )
Ok so career wise I can’t even get a job as walmart greeter, I mean it;s not official or anything but hey get real, you have a job application from someone. You google, right? Everyone does, and there you really want to hire someone who is front page crazy? And smokes?
It’s cool I understand, and lets get real I was a lousy employee. I told my last boss to “shut the hell up.” she came down with laryngitis the next day, couldn’t talk for two weeks. Yeh that was pretty much the end of that job.
So being a crazy person is bad for the career, but it’s not anything I was ever going to be good at any way so meh.
The good part is I can say or do any god damned thing I want to and “What? I’m a crazy person, what really do you expect.? I haven’t burned down anything in years, A standard of expectations I find easy enough to exceed. Aim for the stars and all that jazz meh I rather prefer having exceptions set so low I can perfectly ignore their existence.
But am I mad enough? Now that is an interesting dilemma. I look like a perfectly normal sane person I talk like a perfectly normal sane person. (one with the sort of vocabulary that makes people think I’m really smart). So how on earth am I to justify all those papers? Having to constantly explain to people that I’m a mad person is just so socially awkward .
Of course I could just not talk about it at all, but you do get into all that where were you when and what did you do? Discussions that lead to either to lengthy explanations which people don’t believe anyway and then they are annoyed with me for lying, or I lie which does have the effect or making people happier with me but results in me becoming unreasonably cranky.
So I have to be mad in some way apparent but not scary mad, after all I’m a pyro so I kinda feel it’s incumbent on me to be reassuring. I have been trying to develop into a charming eccentricity. Cute, people think I’m cute, addled but cute. Took me just 50 years to pull that off. By the time I’m 70 I may just be able to manage adorable.